Before the Cricket kicked off [tipped off? Bowled off? Hit off?] this week, the fellows over at Sportsfreak were focused on the All Blacks' end of year tour, and the lack of tries in their games. The print media also seem to have chosen this as their lead angle ahead of this weekend's match (exhibit a, b, c, d... need I go on?) against France.

You can see my original response over there, where I gave some stats about the tries the All Blacks have scored and conceded in the NH over the past 11 years, but it sparked something in me. At school, I didn't really pay much attention in Maths. If it was something that captured my attention (like graphs and shit) I'd do it, but as soon as I got to sixth form I dropped it. It's never been a problem in day to day life, but this week I've felt completely incompetent. I've been trying to come up with all kinds of mathmatical stats and graphs for this post, and I'm extremely lucky to have Hadyn's patient tutelage to help me. If it hadn't been for him, you'd have all kinds of data here, and it would be presented on an unreadable line graph.

Something I didn't need help for was gathering the data for this. And it's actually a new feature of the Dropkicks. You can see it here. Currently it features all international test matches from 2006-today, but I may backdate it eventually if I see the need, and I may use it for a post about the Rugby World Cup and whether the 'minnow' teams are becoming more competitive.

The first table to have a look at, because I know you want to see the stuff revolving around the All Blacks, is the 6 Nations. [if this was TV that would be a hook - You would have no choice but to stick with me to find out. But this is a blog, so it doesn't work as well... Fuck.]

Warning: This post is a not-to-subtle call to attention directed at Robbie Deans. Yesterday I tweeted this:

Can anyone guess what these numbers mean? 76, .842 24, .708 27, .519

Graham Henry has been the coach of the All Blacks for 76 matches and has a .842 win percentage. Peter de Viliers, the coach of the Springboks who copped a fair bashing last year, has been in charge for 24 matches and has a .708 win record. I think you know who the third coach is: Robbie Deans. 27 games, .519 win record. He's only just won more than half the internationals he's been the boss for.

We all know that the All Blacks beat the Wallabies on Saturday, 33-6. This meant the All Blacks' had pulled off a clean sweep of Australia this season, a week after being swept themselves by the Springboks. This was the biggest winning margin by the Blacks over Australia since last year's Eden Park test on August 02, where they won 39-10.

The biggest similarities between those two matches were the resurgence of the forward pack in protecting the ruck. This enabled Jimmy Cowan to quickly get the ball and spread it to Dan Carter. This in turn allowed Carter the time to get the ball out wide or tuck it in and run it.

We won by 27 fucking points! After what happened when we lost by 3 last week, imagine the outcry if we'd lost by 27! And yet there have been no celebrations other than along the lines of 'oh yes, good show, but there's still many problems what what'. Well screw that. Great job All Blacks, and Graham Henry.

Because the team looked confident, organised and happy on Saturday. Whether Henry was in charge or the players, we won. By 27 points. And we swept the Wallabies. And we kept the Bledisloe. And the score in Henry-Deansgate is now Henry: 6, Deans: 1. Great work.

From the Guardian...

The Six Nations countries drew a blank in the first full year of professionalism, 1996, but the majority of those fixtures were played in the southern hemisphere and none involved England. They have all had a crack this year but, unless England provide the biggest upset of the decade against New Zealand at Twickenham on Saturday, or Wales pick up a third win over a Tri-Nations side in the professional era at Australia's expense on the same afternoon at the Millennium Stadium, it will be, barring a draw, 20-0 to the southern hemisphere.

Comments on this one are good. According to some Northern rugby fans...

Most people in the north accept that the south is ahead in terms of skill and quality, but they also believe (rightly) that the north is streets ahead when it comes to passion, excitement and putting bums on seats. The technique is of higher quality in the south, but the spectacle is of infinitely higher quality in the north.

Gregor Paul latched onto this very point last week. Essentially, he argued that rugby in New Zealand is devoid of passion and elan. It is obsessive (to a degree that is almost psychotic) and thus thoroughly one-dimensional.

Most Englishmen wouldn't swap the passionate, ever-changing European scene for the tedious, repetitive SANZAR scene no matter how many 40 point shellackings we take at Twickers.

I suppose ultimately it depends on whether one takes the mature, civilised, old continent outlook of treating sport as a glorious irrelevance or the gauche, crass, new world outlook of treating sport as some sort of measure of national virility.

Gauche! Crass! Moi!?

Download Episode 31 [the Rugby­ bit]

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Australia follow on from the All Blacks, beating South Africa on home turf. Here's the good bits (and a close-up of Matt Dunning singing the anthem)...

Final score: Australia 27 - South Africa 15

South Africa: tries: Jacobs 2; conversion: Montgomery; penalty: James

Australia: tries: Robinson, Tuqiri, Mortlock; conversions: Giteau 3; penalties: Giteau 2

Clint Eastwood's career as a director has been pretty successful. And since taking on the world of women's boxing in Million Dollar Baby he has obviously been looking for another sport that lacks international popularity. Finally he stumbled across rugby.

The Human Factor is  "a look at life for Nelson Mandela after the fall of apartheid in South Africa during his first term as president when campaigned to host the 1995 Rugby World Cup event as an opportunity to unite his countrymen"­ (based on this book(?) by John Carlin).

I assume that this means the All Blacks will be the bad guys trying to ruin South Africa's party.

Perhaps the most interesting thing about this is that Matt Damon is attached to the picture to play Francois Pienaar. So you know what that means? It means we can start filling the rosters of each team with celebrities! Just like those places where they debate who should play superheroes in the movies.

Here are the team lists from the final. So get to speculating in the comments, I'll start: Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson as Jonah Lomu.

(ps. yes, I am totally late on this story)

Two rugby players set out at the same time running towards each other. When they reach each other their heads collide. One player is wearing head gear the other is just really shaggy.

Which one is almost knocked out?

For some reason, although Ali Williams has worn head gear his entire career (though he was slightly famous for starting a game with it on and ripping it off part way through) when his melon collided with the long haired bonce of Schalk Burger he went down in a crumpled heap (South Africans note I have not gone for a cheap joke about how for Burger to get a concussion he must first have a brain).

Ali's head gear of choice is apparently the Adidas scrum cap (pictured). According to the blurb:

Scrum caps are a great way to help alleviate some of the knicks and abrasions that come with playing any contact sport. Scrum caps are comfortable and the extra padding on the head provides a great protective barrier for the head, scalp and ears. Scrum caps are also helpful for preventing cauliflower ear from rucking and scrumming. Many of the world's top players both Scrum and field choose to wear them including: Stephen Larkham (Australia), Daniel Cipriani (England), Ben Kay
(England), Serge Betsen (France) Victor Matfeild (South Africa), Juan Smith (South Africa), Chris Jack (New Zealand), Ali Williams (New Zealand), and many others.­

­So it's not a concussion saver at all, it's merely a device to stop you looking like Martin Johnson.