The NZI Sevens website tells me that the competition kicks off in 2 days and 23 hours. That guarantees that the next 5 days in the capital will be 25-35 degrees without a cloud in the sky. This will be the third straight year I've boycotted the live event and watched at home. Well, when I say boycott I mean 'this'll be my fourth year as a student, and the third I can't afford to go'. Since I actually watch and enjoy the IRB series, I figured it'd be a help to profile the teams for those who're watching - either at the Caketin or at home.

The Structure

First you'll need to understand the way the NZI Sevens work. There are 16 teams, spread across four pools [so four in each pool]. There are four trophies on offer - the Cup, Plate, Bowl and Shield. The 8 teams who finish third and fourth in their pool will contest the Bowl. The four teams which lose their first match in the Bowl tournament will drop down to contest the Shield, with the two winning teams in the first game going on to the Shield final, while the four teams which remained in the Bowl do the same. This process is identical for the Cup - the top two teams in each pool move on, those which lose their Cup game drop down to contest the Plate.

Pool A

Pool A consists of New Zealand, South Africa, Wales and Niue. New Zealand have opened the season with wins in both Dubai and George, while defending IRB Sevens winners South Africa have not made a Cup semi or final to date - losing 21-17 to eventual finalists Fiji. Keep an eye out for Mzwandile Stick, who slotted a massive dropkick from the sideline to tie their match with Kenya in George. Wales are only 2 points behind South Africa, as they have won the Bowl in both competitions, while SA has lost the Plate final in both tournaments. This will be the first time in the current tournament that Niue have fielded a team.

Keep an eye out for;

It'll be hard to miss a single NZ player, but Kurt Baker [he'll have the raggedy looking mullet, which is all the other teams ever see of him as they chase him down the wing], Ben Souness and Sherwin Stowers have been exceptional to date, while DJ Forbes has looked like he's enjoying himself once again. Forbes has been the most physical player on the tour this season, as that picture shows... and let's not forget the aforementioned Mzwandile Stick of South Africa.

Prediction: The Cup winner will come from this group. Either NZ or SA.

Pool B Pool B has Fiji, Australia, Papua New Guinea and Scotland. If I may be so bold, I'm going to refer to this group as the 'also rans' as none of the teams have shown sufficient ability so far this season to make them Cup contenders. Fiji made the final in George, but only after being pushed by Argentina and South Africa. In that match against NZ they looked extremely tired, possibly due to their focus on muscle and brute force. Australia were out of their depth in George, getting a thorough hiding from England in the Plate semifinal [though they won it in Dubai], while Scotland are yet to make a semi this year. The Scottish team have won won game - against Tunisia - and drawn against Zimbabwe, but haven't even looked close against anyone else. Like Niue, PNG have not fielded a team yet.

Keep an eye out for; Bernard and Shaun Foley from Australia - they're not the best players in the world, but they're committed and work well with each other. Clinton Sills is their best attacking weapon, and he should be good for 3 or 4 tries in Wellington. But in terms of talent in Pool B, it's impossible to look past William Ryder. He is simply a meast and the whole package - speed, finesse and strength in one tight-fitting Fijian shirt. He's an intense player and gives everything to his team - and definitely plays 'til the whistle blows. Here he is telling Stick how much he enjoyed his mother's baking. He's leading the points scoring so far this season and probably my favourite - either he or Stowers, who is leading try scorer.

Prediction; Unfortunately, this group has a rough ride. The team which tops it [Should be Fiji] will face the 2nd side in Pool A - so either NZ or SA. If Fiji can get over that hurdle, they'll be a shoe in for the final. Their best chance of winning the Cup will be to play SA in the final. Australia, Scotland and PNG will be contesting the Bowl or Shield, realistically, since the 2nd place Pool B team plays the 1st placed Pool A side.

Pool C Tonga, Kenya, England, USA. That's the way I'm picking this pool too. Tonga's first tournament of the 2009 series, but they're always a tough side. Kenya, if they progress as I've picked them, will be the NZ media darlings. Traditionally, the team which 'punches above its weight' is picked up by the national media and the commentators forever repeat that they are 'fan favourites' - usually this is the US. Kenya's development over the past few years has been excellent. While they've retained the slender frames that allow them to run so effectively, they've also learnt how to handle contact. Broken tackles are not as abundant now as they once were. My favourite part of watching Kenya though is the intelligence they utilise on field. They don't simply resort to set plays, they create them on the fly. It's hard to describe until you see it. England have been as disappointing as Australia so far, but if they can beat Tonga or Kenya, they'll get a big confidence boost. One of these three teams will be my dark horse to make the final, and one will definitely take out the Bowl. The US get an honorable mention, and will be Bowl contenders.

Keep an eye out for; If you hadn't guessed already, Kenya are my favourite team aside from New Zealand. Collins Injera [L] and Humphrey Kayange [R] are superb players and seeing them lope down the field, looking like they're not even trying, is awesome. Injera is only 3 tries behind Stowers and second on the try table this year. From England, who have the most horrid uniform on the circuit - honestly, the back makes no sense - veteran Ben Gollings and 20-year-old Dan Caprice are their best hopes.

Prediction; I've laid it out. If Tonga stumble, it'll come down to Kenya v England. Whoever wins that will be the best hope. If demoted, Kenya should lick their lips at the prospect of taking home the Plate, but England are not Cup challengers.

Pool D Here it is: The cliched 'pool of death'. Except in this case, it's four mediocre teams. Argentina and Samoa can compete in the Cup ranks, but none of these sides even look like winning it - but they are all around each others level, and it'll create excellent pool matches, that's for sure.

Keep an eye out for; Mikaele Pesamino of Samoa - He was basically born to hit you hard, steal the ball and run it back for a try. He is hugggge and has been around for years. If you haven't heard of him, it's a safe bet you're not going to the Sevens to watch rugby - rather to perve and get pissed.

Prediction Samoa and Argentina will top the group. Samoa can make the semis, but Argentina will play for the Plate. France will contest the Bowl and Canada the Shield.

The National Sevens tournament is to be held in Queenstown this weekend. Did you know that? It's hardly received much exposure.

 Well, after about 10 minutes of hardcore googling, a workmate and I found the official site at http://www.nz7.co.nz

Now, I don't want to be a negative Nelly but we do a lot of googling in this job, trying to find spokespeople for random organisations; a personal favourite is the South Canterbury-North Otago Deer Farmers Association, but I digress. The amount of time it took to find the site was insane, and if you were a family wanting to find prices/location you definately wouldn't have found it.

There're going to be a lot of Ass Managers and Ass Coaches in attendance, so I wonder if Steve Crow will also be there? Sorry, I couldn't resist. Anyway, in reading through the team list there are some very familiar names. Joeli Vidiri is coaching Counties, while Craig Dowd is the North Harbour waterboy. I hear Gordon Tietjens is also going to be there as a spectator.

So if you're in Queenstown this weekend, get your $.500 [sic] together and head along. Because let's face it, Sevens is fun and the next crop of Tiet's troopers will be there and it is highly likely some of those playing in Queenstown will also be at the Wellington Sevens. So you can impress your mates with comments like 'oh yeah, I saw him in Queenstown.' and 'yeah he scored twice for Southland in Queenstown, they went nuts!'

 Also can I just add that we should play loads more rugby in Queenstown, because it has beautiful scenery.

There is a God, well at least for Bay of Plenty fans like me. Sevens stars Zar Lawrence and Nigel Hunt have signed with the BOP team for the Air New Zealand Cup.

Bay of Plenty has seen quite a few Sevens players over the years and even the great Titch for a season and all simply because the great coach lives in Mount Maunganui. Never move Titch, never move.

This week's episode is brought to you by the letter 'S'. We have Sevens, Six Nations, Superbowl, Shaq and, errr, Satheletes and Sdicks of the Sweek.

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Just in case you missed it (and I know there were a lot of people who were there, probably watching the game, and still managed to miss it), here's the video highlights from the recent Wellington Sevens final played between New Zealand and Samoa...

This is going to be a hellish dull live blog because I don’t actually have a ticket for the Sevens, I’m stuck at the office. So lets get into it:

(I’ll update during the day, latest post at the bottom, no times on posts either.)

• Stupidly I wore my cowboy hat to work (trying to be sun smart) and my new yellow t-shirt eliciting plenty of “are you going to the Sevens?” from workmates. Sigh, no.
• It’s plenty hot today, people are gonna be suffering tomorrow.
• My camera is not only running out of batteries but I forgot to bring the usb cable. Wicked!
• As I’m stuck in my cubicle that doesn’t even face the window I’m hearing the sounds of be-costumed folk heading towards and exiting from various drinking establishments around town.
• Head downtown for lunch. See some good costumes, tigers, Vikings, lederhosen (that’s a new one for me).
• The most ironic of group costumes just went past (stupid no battery camera!). A guy in black face dressed as Andrew Symons with another dude dressed as Habajan Singh surrounded by a group dressed as other Aussie cricketers. Amy said they were playing cricket in midland park for a while and everyone was calling them “monkey”.
• UPDATE: I knew someone would have a photo!
  
  Photo on Flickr by Kiwi Frenzy on Location
  
• Have a quick read of the Stuff Live Blog, makes sitting at work sound exciting.

Cowgirls on The Terrace. Vikings on Willis St. Pirates on Lambton Quay.

The city has gone barmy.

Quite

• Ok, here we go! Streaming video on the TVNZ website! I love this idea from TVNZ, especially since it is technically my work’s bandwidth. I also love the slow calm commentary of Keith Quinn and Glenn Osborne, man that takes me back. Whoa weird, no ads.

• I’ve got TV now I just need beer…
• South African Duriss (is that how it's spelled) just scored his 146th try in Sevens. As Keith Quinn says "Just say that slowly...one...hundred...and...forty...six...tries... .... ... that's a lot"
• The "big men of the little Cook Islands" have just knocked off the Poms and the crowd goes nuts!!!
• Tafai Ioasa isn't in the starting line-up, but apprently that's "not a big thing"
• NZ are sticking it into the Canadians. Phil Mack (I may have heard that wrong) may be the first Native American to play a sport in New Zealand. We have no way to confirm this.
• Wellington is windy. Who knew? Apparently we're "embarrassed" about it. I'm not. Get fucked wind-haters.
• I should point out that some names may be misspelled because I don't have the team lists in front of me. I apologise if people get offended.
• 43-0 final score. Oh Canada!
• The Tongans, annoyed at being beaten by Scotland, have decided to tackle the Argentineans to death.
• All this fancy-pants throwing the ball around is a little too showy. C'mon let's see some good forward rugby boys!
• This Argentina-Tonga game is pretty good.
• You know what? Fuck this, I'm off for a drink, (then more drinks)

I posted a couple of articles about the Sevens over at our sibling site, The Wellingtonista:

• How to survive the Sevens: a guide for non-attendees
• How to survive the Sevens: a guide for attendees

Both of which include snaps by our roving reporter Miramar Mike. Love those commandments! (click image to read them)

­­­­­

I’ll bet you didn’t even know we had Roving Reporters (Miramar Mike, there on the right):

I had a brief (120 seconds) "How do you think you'll do this year" pavement chat with The Titch* whilst waiting for the bus as the NZ Sevens team were wandering (aimlessly it seemed) down Willis Street

His answer in a nutshell – “We'll do well but I'm not so sure how well the others will do.”

Report filed by Miramar Mike: http://miramarmike.blogspot.com/ 

*NZ Sevens coach and legend, Gordon Tietjens

Super 14 action looms, and the Dropkicks discuss the potential impact of the new experimental law variations. Also: sevens, the circuit pulls into the Dropkicks hometown of Wellington; rowing, the great Drysdale v. Waddell duel; cricket, Shane Bond off to play in the IPL; and Atheletes and Dicks of the Week.

Download Episode 03

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Remember February last year? Barrack Obama announced his candidacy, Comet McNaught had just passed us by and Borat was already an over-quoted cliché to everybody. Well, everyone except Mark Hansen.

Mark decided to dress up in a bright green thong swimsuit for the Wellington leg of the International Rugby Sevens Tournament. He even donned a wig and grew a moustache, the cheeky bugger. No word on whether he made jokes about Jews (probably though) or wrestled naked fat men (probably though).

However, it wasn’t easy for Mark.

The "fun police" had refused Mr Hansen entry when he first tried to enter Westpac Stadium last year in his itsy bitsy swimsuit.

He threw on a shirt and shorts, which he stripped off when away from the turnstiles.

The uproar drew security, who made him cover up. But he stripped again in the stands and his moments freed from the restraints of suitable dress were glorious: "Wherever I went I was getting yahoos."

And what a uproariously funny and original idea it was too (except for these guys). Man, I just hope he can team up with the guy who does the Austin Powers impressions, that “Oh behave” shit just cracks me up.